.:Screaming Star Fiction:. (screamingxstar) wrote in creative_words,
.:Screaming Star Fiction:.

Creative Writing Class...

I absolutely love my creative writing class. Today we had to experiment with starting short stories in different ways. The first one is Description of a Person, and the second is Reminiscent Narrator.

Strands of hair the color of midnight fell scross his cerulean eyes. The corner of his lip was pulled into his mouth, chewing in concentration without even realizing he was doing it. Sketchpad balanced on his slender knees; the charcoal pencil flew across the paper held by long, bony fingers. Dark smudges covered his fingers and hands as the picture took form, much like the black make up surrounding his eyes. Everything else around him disappeared when he was focused on the images within his mind, placying them on paper to share with others. I could sit hours, unmoving, watching him. There was no doubt he was an artist... not by trade but by nature. It emminated from every part of him as he sat before me, eyes raised signaling the completion of his project.

The red and yellow leaves fall from the trees, softly creeping along the lawn with the help of the wind. Trees bow outside my window. Cars pass. Rain falls. Everything is continuously changing. Nature's on going work of art lives right outside my door. You used to love the fall and the pictures it painted. Would you be angry to know that I've hated this bittersweet picture ever since you were painted out of it?

I'm thinking of turning them into short stories. One of them I'm going to use for class since we have to write a short story. We don't have to use them. But I really like both of them. So let me know what you both think? Or any ideas in the ways of where I should take them? Or just if you think they suck hah.
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For the first-

There are some small grammatical errors. A missed comma here and there. There are some typos and spelling mistakes too. Oh and 'makeup' is one word, not two.

I think you could go on with this story. You could perhaps go back to tell how you first noticed him. Or an interesting thing to pursue could be to go into the observers own 'obsession' of the man. Or a wild thing to try is then switch to telling the story through his drawing. Or an entirely different story through his drawing.

For the second-

"Ongoing" is one word, not two.

"Would you be angry to know that I've hated this bittersweet picture ever since you were painted out of it?"

I'd like to see where you would go with that. I think that's a good line if you know where you're going with it. If you continued I could see that line as being a pivital point in the story.

I like the first better though.

Also, one of the rules here is that you have to critique, or at least comment on, the two posts before yours. So please do that, thanks.

I really like the tone of these. The first one is peaceful and reflective, and although there are some errors with spelling I don't think it detracts from the writing. In the second one especially the imagery is beautiful. I especially like the line "nature's ongoing work of art lives right outside my door". Very nice! :)
Oh, wow. I really like the idea of the art in the first one, because it paints it's own picture. And the last line of the second one makes me want more more more. They both really draw the reader in. I hope you do something with them :)